First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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