We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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