who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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