is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
