her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
