Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
