good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
