woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
