mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
