How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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