I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
