I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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