I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
