I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
