hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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