Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
