is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
