I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
