ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
