apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
