i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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