he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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