five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
