I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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