I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
