Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
