I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
