On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
