There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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