Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
