it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
