I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
