your parents love me but you hate me
I wanna passion pit in your ass
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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