Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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