Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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