I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
