even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
