The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
