i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
