It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
