just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
