I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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