he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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