So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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