Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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