new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
