I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
