the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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