Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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