Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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