if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Randomize
