my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
