also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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