I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just googled if crying burns calories
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
